i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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