New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You're like the curious george of whores
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
