Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
