he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Can I color on your dick again?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
