god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
