I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
