We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
