You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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