hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
