You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
