he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Randomize
