Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
