Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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