i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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