I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
