I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
