I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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