Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
