hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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