talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
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