can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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