FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
