Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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