You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I think I just sharted jello shots
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
