i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
