I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Sorry my hands just texted you
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
