i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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