smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
