Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
