Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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