She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
