I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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