Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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