Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
