I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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