im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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