I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
