we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
