I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
