if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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