there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
