Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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