I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
