I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize