sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
