remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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