Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
do herpes really smell.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
