My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I have tasted many bathrooms
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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