i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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