How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
