The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
