she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
